


Still Want To Be Here (I Feel So Alive)

by RedpathArcade



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Buck being Buck, Buddie First Kiss Week 2020, Eddie speaking spanish, First Kiss, First buddie fic, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Injured Evan "Buck" Buckley, M/M, Worried Eddie Diaz, but it’s barely there
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-03
Updated: 2020-06-03
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:41:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,274
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24517087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RedpathArcade/pseuds/RedpathArcade
Summary: "I had to watch as put yourself in danger when it could have been avoided, again. The team and I have been watching you and lately it seems like you don’t care if you get hurt.""It’s not like that." Buck protested weakly, rubbing his temple with his hand.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 10
Kudos: 252





	Still Want To Be Here (I Feel So Alive)

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first Buddie fic and first work in 911 fandom.

“What the hell were you thinking- no, do not walk away from me Evan Buckley!” Eddie barked jumping out of the firetruck and following Buck into the change room.

Bobby, Hen and Chimney didn’t attempt to follow them, despite their own worries and protectiveness for the youngest member.

Eddie slammed the door closed a little to forcefully, the sound rioting against the glass walls around them and maybe given the situation he should be a little more gentle, but he was simple too furious. Buck stood in the middle of the room trying to take off his gear, struggling with every layer.

“Answer me!” His voice held the same tone, but the fire in his eyes died out little by little every time he watched Buck wince in pain.

“I had no choice.” Back answered knowing full well Eddie wasn’t going to drop the topic any time soon.

“Don’t make me even scratch the surface on how that situation could have been avoided.”

“Go on then, scratch the surface.”

“What’s the point when you won’t even listen!” Eddie snapped, frustration clear in his voice, his lips tighten unhappily.

“Well that hasn’t stopped you before!” Buck’s voice raised as he shouted back. Immediately regretting it when his head pounded and he had to grab ahold of the towel rack for support.

The room went silent for sometime. Buck trying to catch his breathe, and Eddie trying to control his anger.

"Buck," Eddie’s voice was softer now, but anger still lingered in the words, "I had to watch as put yourself in danger when it could have been avoided, _again._ The team and I have been watching you and lately it seems like you don’t care if you get hurt."

"It’s not like that." Buck protested weakly, rubbing his temple with his hand.

"Are you trying to hurt yourself?" Eddie asked him, his voice firm, no longer angry. His eyes soft as the veteran was determined to help out his friend.

"No."

"Then why?" Eddie took a step closer to him.

Buck sighed, realizing he wasn't going to be able to walk away from this one. He hesitated for a moment, trying to find the right words, "Every time I almost die, I feel so alive...Why would I ever want to be more careful?"

Eddie’s pretty sure his soul just briefly left his body, because his heart almost certainly stopped cold with that confession.

"Buck..." Eddie’s voice broke a little as the other man's name came out as a whisper.

Buck bowed his head in shame. Hands grabbing the metal pole tighter as his body begun to sway, pulse roaring in his ears. His legs begun to shake and before he could catch himself his legs gave out.

"Buck!" Eddie grabbed a hold of the younger man and set him down with ease onto the locker rooms bench.

"I got you _cariño_." Eddie whispered to the blonde when he hissed in pain, running a hand though Buck’s hair, carefully avoiding the nasty looking gash on Buck’s forehead.

Eddie reach over -keeping a steady hand on Buck’s chest- to grab a rag of the rack. He turned it over in his hand and nodded to himself when he deemed it clean enough to use. Eddie squatted, positioning himself between Buck’s legs.

Cloth in hand Eddie started to wipe at the dried bloody cut resting on Buck’s hairline. His other hand cupping the back of Buck’s neck as the firefighter hissed and pulled away, " _Quedate quieto_ , I need to clean it."

Buck pouted but didn't pull away when Eddie continued to gently wipe at the blood. Once he decided it was clean enough, he moved to the cut on Buck’s cheek.

"I'm not going to the hospital." Buck muttered, leaning into Eddie’s warm hand that was trying to clean his cheek.

"I didn't say you had to." Eddie grabbed Buck’s chin and turned his head to the side.

"You're thinking about it." Buck said as if he could read Eddie’s mind, because yeah, Eddie was definitely thinking about it, "I'm fine, Eds."

“I’ll be the judge of that.” Eddie gave one last wipe to Buck’s cheek before he distanced himself just enough to speak but still keep his arms wrapped around Buck’s lower back, “You scared us, you scared _me_.”

"I know."

Eddie gave him a small smile, "Do you need anything? Any more injuries you hiding from me?"

Buck rolled his eyes, "Eddie, I’m fine. I promise. I’ll probably have a few bruises, but I’m off the blood thinners, I’m not going to bleed to death when you look away."

“I know, but that doesn’t stop me from worrying.” He moved to scoop the blonde up.

Buck hummed happily, allowing Eddie to wrap him up in his strong arms. He felt safe there, “There’s no chance of me sleeping in my own apartment tonight is there?"

"Definitely not. I’m keeping you locked up, might even stick Christopher on you, he’ll have some words prepared once he finds out, I bet.”

Buck knew his lips held a dopey smile, but he didn't care. He leaned in closer, lips just barely touching Eddie’s, but the older man made no movement to back away, "Can’t keep playing the _Christopher_ card every time I do something you disapprove of, Diaz."

Eddie shivered as their lips brushed against each other as Buck talked. His heart was pounding and he could feel Buck’s doing the same. He leaned forward until his lips met Buck’s. 

Buck used his hand, that at some point came to rest upon Eddie’s cheek, to tilt the older man’s head to the side so their mouths could slot more firmly together.

Eddie moaned into the kiss, and his tongue ran against the seam of Buck’s lips. The blonde immediately responded and let out a gasp as Eddie’s tongue brushed against his. Eddie being the asshole he is, chuckled. 

They continue kissing for a few minutes before Buck pulled back. Eddie whined and tried to chase Buck’s lips. Buck grinned, eyes dark and challenging.

 _Two can play that game,_ Eddie thought before he started to kiss down Buck’s neck, leaving a wet trail behind. His lips hovered over Buck’s collarbone. His eyes ran over the raised cut there, one he failed to notice before, thankfully it didn’t look to serious. Buck shivered as Eddie sealed his lips around the cut.

"Eddie."

The man pulled back and looked up at Buck though dark lashed, "Yes, _Mi Vida_?"

"I'm sorry for worrying you." Buck toyed with his fingers as he apologized, “But I can’t promise I won’t do it again.”

"I know," Eddie sighed, because he does know, and he wasn’t going to ask Buck to stop doing his job. He sighed again giving Buck a quick kiss, "But that doesn't mean I'm not pissed at you. Because I am, and when your feeling better we're going to talk. About _everything_. I have quite the rant prepared, not quite Christopher level, but it’ll definitely put Athena’s to shame."

Buck chuckled, "I would be worried if you didn't."

Eddie laughed, before giving Buck a serious look, "Are you sure you're okay?"

Buck shrugged, "As long as your here, I will be."

Eddie nodded and kissed him again. Soaking it all in. He knew Bobby is going to want a word, judging by the look he shot him earlier before the man disappeared to his office. Hen and Chim are probably bursting at the seems, and he’s honestly surprised they haven’t interrupted them yet. They’ll deal with them when the time comes, for now, he’s going to hold Buck impossibly close to him. 

**Author's Note:**

> Cariño - darling  
> Quedate quieto - Stop/ stay still  
> Mi Vida - my life (basically a cute way of saying it’s a person you can’t live without.)
> 
> This work was actually inspired from an old Stony fic I did back in 2017. It’s titled, Have I Told You (That I’m glad your here?)


End file.
